Reboot.

Well, there’s no easy way to say this.

I’m not getting married.

We have been fighting a lot for awhile now, and Adam officially called things off on Friday. Especially after a few days to process this, it’s hard for me not to agree with the decision. I care about him very much, but people getting married should treat one another much better than we have been. December 17th was not meant to be.

As the wedding was 1.5 months from now, this involves a lot of painful cancellations (and $$$) along with everything else. The end of a 4+ year relationship is not something I’ve ever gone through before, and the addition of losing my puppy and my entire Milwaukee life makes this especially hard. It’s so much more than losing my best friend. While canceling a wedding is already feeling pretty traumatizing, it’s so much more than that.

Honestly, I’m not sure what this means for the blog yet. Adam’s photos and memories of our life together are splattered over this blog’s entire existence. Do I feel foolish for sharing so much of our life? Of course. I guess when you have a ring on your finger and are convinced it’s forever you approach things differently. Confidently. I’m not sure when I’ll want to document my life again. And…oh, clothes. Each item has such memories associated with it, eh? I know what I wore on every date night, anniversary, adventure. At the moment it’s hard to know I feel about “Caffeinerd.” That said…I think I may need some parts of my life to stay as familiar as possible. Right now I’m envisioning some wordless outfit posts for awhile. If you stay along for the ride—-awesome. 🙂 I’d love to have you.

Thank you for all of your comments, both regarding the wedding and otherwise. I have always appreciated your support. I hope you don’t find me to be a dishonest blogger…it was never my intention to paint a picture of a purely rosy life, I just genuinely believed I had found my person and that we would work through any challenges together. At this juncture it is still hard to believe that this isn’t the case. We’ll see where life takes me and us, but for now I have to do my best to move on.

With gratitude,

Elena

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~ by Elena Marie on November 7, 2011.