A Single Story: February 8th, 2012

Event: Work, errands

Outfit: White tee: Gap; Sweater: Gap Outlet; Pants: Banana Republic Factory; Flats: Target; Necklace: handed down from aunt

Snapped a few shots in the local forest preserve after work. After realizing I had my comfy moccasins in the car and a warm pair o’ gloves, an impromptu nature walk also went down.

I’m not sure how much this blog will turn into a chronicle of my single life (though I LOVE blogs that do), but I will just share the following (…since, as you’ll see, I will never want to talk to the person discussed again). I made myself go on a date last weekend (yes, while suffering from strep throat). Overall, I would call the experience good. I didn’t feel any sparks or real excitement (or physical attraction), but I thought this could just be because I wasn’t really ready to date yet (…also probably true. Dudes, I just don’t feel single). Sure, it was at least nice to feel attractive to someone else, to have a reason to dress up. But…just wasn’t feeling it. However, when said date asked me out again and I declined, stating that I was sorry, but I had just gotten out of a serious relationship and had decided I really wasn’t ready…OH MY GOODNESS. Just one gem of an accusation he leveled at me: “you are a liar and a shitty person and you wasted my time.” He also, knowing absolutely nothing about my break-up, chose to encourage me to “go cry over your ex fiance who dumped you and you still aren’t over him”.

Charming. This appears to have stemmed from the fact that I didn’t tell him right away about “all my baggage”. Well, gee, dude, if you had asked me a SINGLE question about my past or self, you would’ve received only truths. But you didn’t (warning sign!). And I am under absolutely no obligation to disclose that to you on a first date. And you don’t get to be a judgmental asshole. Couldn’t help but think that, in my relationship safety net, no guy would’ve ever dared speak to me that way.

Ugh. Honestly, it didn’t upset me nearly as much as I would’ve thought. When it comes down to it, the person I loved most in the world stomped on my heart recently, much as he might not have meant to. Does a cruel, insane email from a relative stranger carry much heft? Especially when I know I only communicated with them in a kind, honest manner? Nope. I know I had “shocked, horrified face” going on for a minute, and then shook it off (and did not reply). I’ve cried plenty of times in the last few months…but someone that horrid is not worthy of any tears.

Previously suspected lesson now learned: Someone might look good on paper. They might have a Master’s degree, have attended your alma mater, be over 6’…even wear argyle and open doors. But they also might be a complete jerk. And a bad speller. Good riddance.

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~ by Elena Marie on February 8, 2012.

24 Responses to “A Single Story: February 8th, 2012”

  1. Oh my gosh Elena!! That is horrible!! I’m so sorry this had to be your first experience back into dating. It WILL get better! And I’m so glad his nasty side came out early enough so you were spared any more time with him. I hate that this happened. I’m so sorry 😦

  2. Oof! Good riddance indeed! I can’t believe anyone, no matter the situation or their knowledge of your past, would talk to you that way. At least he showed his true colors early on. I’m appalled.

  3. Ugh, indeed! You probably didn’t feel any attraction to this guy because he was undoubtedly radiating ugly asshole under the argyle.

  4. What an asshole. I agree with one of the above comments– at least he showed his true colors early. I’m sorry it was a rough experience… also, I can’t believe you went out with strep throat. Last time I had strep I think I laid on the couch with bowls of ice cream!

    • Thanks, Viktoria. Yeah…I literally laid in bed with water, Tylenol, and a little soup the entire day until showering/gettin’ fancy. If there’s ever a next time: ice cream it is!

  5. Amen. Glad to hear your strength come through in this post!

  6. I think it is more like – no person should ever speak to you like that. Plus, bad speller – eek! I would have just stopped there.

    • Haha, this made me laugh. I will say that I’ve dated a couple extremely intelligent software engineers (what? I like nerds), and neither of them couple spell worth a darn. So even as an editor, that would not be a deal breaker for me. Annoying as bad spelling is!

      • Not a deal-breaker for me either (…was not previously dating a good speller ha). Just felt like icing on the disgusting cake in this case 😉 Well, and he just couldn’t use words. I belieeeeve he meant to insult me when he said I “showed a lack of disrespect.” Fail.

  7. Ha, I don’t know you irl, but I’ve followed your blog for a while. I went through something similar a few years back – 4 year relationship, broken heart, I did the online dating thing for a few months and got some AMAZING stories. Some guys can’t take rejection! Also, some guys definitely photoshop their pictures. 🙂 My recovery took several stages – first date (terrible – he started conducting to the music in the restaurant), seeing the ex move on (ouch ouch ouch), then, finally, meeting someone else and realizing different plans for my future can be even better than the original. Sounds like you’ve already jumped the first hurdle by getting out there – and got a great (mean) story from it!

    • Thanks for sharing your story, Emily! Always good to hear of bright futures after the rough part. 🙂

  8. Hey – another long time reader but first time commenter. I went online dating before my current relationship and had all sorts of fun stories from it. People who won’t take a no. People who would yell at me. People who would try to hunt me down other places online. Frankly – I rather enjoyed it all – so many fun stories to tell. The main thing it did make me realize was just how awesome I am. How one can have such better manners and behavior than others. So take this as a grain of – you are awesome and wow lets laugh about the fail that exists out there in the world. Congrats on getting at the first step. I agree with the above commenter about the stages – the first date, the getting over other person moving on and then doing so yourself. Long process but BOY do fun stories come out of it in the end.

    • Thanks for commenting!

      I think that’s exactly how I will take it 🙂 I certainly am lacking in awkward dating stories, so I suppose this is my time!

  9. That is really messed up.

    There really is no reason for that kind of behavior whether you are upset about something or not.

    You are so right though- not worth your time or tears…NEXT! 🙂

  10. That was awful. Hang in there. If you’re not ready to date, don’t. It’s only going to be fun once you’re ready. And then you’ll probably still have to deal with more crazies, so no rush, right?
    –TS
    http://thriftedshift.blogspot.com/

  11. That’s insane! Clearly he was being defensive, did NOT like feeling “rejected” and instead turned that into completely unreasonable, unjustified anger towards you to make himself feel more in control. Or something! What a loser. At least you found out after only seeing him once instead of spending months with the guy and that aspect of his personality coming out in an even more damaging way! A former coworker of mine did the online dating thing for months awhile back – she met her fair share of cuckoos!

  12. Wow. What an incredible asshole. I am sorry you had to go through that, but totally admiring how strong you are and your attitude towards it. Life has many good things and good people in store for you, this dude is barely a pothole in the road. Don’t even think of him again.

  13. What an asshole! No one talks about past relationships on a first date. You have every right to date and every right to decide you aren’t ready. Don’t let this jerk discourage you.

  14. I’ve got a couple single guy friends, not that you need any help, I’m sure! They may not be your type, but I love setting people up, so lemme know! And I guarantee, none of the dudes I associate with would be that much of an ass.

    • I’ll definitely let you know 🙂 Would much rather meet someone through a setup than online.

  15. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I guess at least you got a funny story out of it. Did he eat any of your food or your drink? Maybe you gave him strep!

  16. Wow, you dodged a bullet there! What a creep and a jerk that guy is!!!

  17. Yup, he was after ONE thing…and it wasn’t a second date. Someone who liked you would have been a little more patient / understanding.

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